Monologue #2: FEEDBACK written by Matthew Fisher
Author & Voice Actor
Dramatic Moose Productions
Hello, is that James? ... Hello James, this is David Smith from ABC Ltd...hello.I’d like to start off by saying thank you for taking the time to come to the interview this morning. We had a lot of strong candidates for the position which made the decision especially hard.
Unfortunately it’s not good news. We have decided that we will not be offering you the position at this time...Feedback?
Certainly...Firstly we felt that it was unsuitable to attend an interview in jeans, a t-shirt and, to quote,“sick nikes bruv”. Trousers, shirt, tie and shoes are much more desirable.
I would suggest that you research the company when you apply for a job. When we asked you what you knew about ABC Ltd you replied “alphabet things”. Even though we do use the alphabet, as you said, we actually provide products and services to engineering consultants.
When asked about your employment history, I would refrain from voicing your private opinions of your supervisor, not matter how “banging” she is...or how big her “tar tars” are, yes.
The ‘tell us about yourself’ part of the interview is a disguised way of asking you to tell us why you feel you are suitable for the job.
Telling us that you are, to quote, “a gangsta, a G who should not be messed with on the mic” is not a great way to answer that section.
If you had said that you are hardworking and creative; that would have been an acceptable answer. Spitting out a verse of your own thrash rap song which describes people in suits as “paper pushing pinheads” is not.
Finally, it’s “things”, not “fins”, “alright” not “all-ri”, “no” not “na” and “goodbye” not “lates bruv”.
I do hope you take all these points to heart and that you find employment somewhere more suitable to your talents.
Not a problem son, oh and before you go, can you tell your mother I’ll be home soon? Alright, Cheers, Thanks